We aren’t protecting and loving the abuser; we are protecting and loving our family and friends. We are protecting ourselves. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.
The brain blocks out traumatic events. I just didn’t automatically realize what happened to me despite the fact that it happened multiple times. Leaving an abusive relationship is much more complicated than just separating from someone who’s not Evil.
By the time we realize we are being abused, we are already dead inside. By the time we get the nerve up to leave, we are already emotional scarred. The abuser makes sure we feel no self-worth before he begins abusing so that we have no will to leave.
Survival mode kicks in and we live day by day, minute by minute, surviving the best way we know how. When the brain kicks into survival mode, we no longer have the ability to use the part of the brain needed to convince you to leave. It’s kind of like having a one track mind that’s running ninety miles per hour on one subject.
If you have never been in an abusive relationship before, you don’t recognize the abuse. If you have experienced abuse before, you might think it’s normal behavior. There are many reasons for not just leaving.
It took me three years and a lot of research to realize that I don’t, just leave, because I am codependent and have no self-esteem or self-worth. I didn’t care if I died. If you don’t care, why would you leave? Did I care before this relationship? Absolutely! I am 41 years old and until I met this man, I cared, I was happy, I had a life, I had a job, I had a home, I had my family, I had hopes and dreams, I had dignity, I had self-respect.