Abusers-Red Flags

  • Keep their victims in the dark about events that are taking place.
  • Almost always in control of finances.
  • Talk bad about the victim to others to cause them to become isolated.
  • Make plans that include the victim without consulting them.
  • Goal is to monopolize the victim’s time, physical environment, and suppress their behavior.
  • Tell you what social events you can attend and who you can go with.
  • May insist you quit work and remain at home where he can keep an eye on you.
  • May tell you that you can no longer participate in hobbies.
  • Forbids any contact with family members, friends, and other contacts that will give you support.
  • Brainwash their victims
  • Manipulates his victim to become mentally and physically dependent upon him, which reduces the ability of the victim to resist his abuse.
  • Use threats to cultivate anxiety, despair and the ability to resist.
  • Most often they threaten children, family members or friends with harm if the victim doesn’t comply with his demands.
  • Degrade their victims in order to damage their self esteem and make them think they are unable to face life on their own.
  • Dysfunctional, insecure and unable to have a relationship unless they are in complete control.
  • Instill feelings of fear, powerlessness and dependency in their victim
  • Doesn’t allow her partner to voice opinions
  • Extremely dominating to the point that they want to control everything that the victim does
  • Verbally assault their victim by calling names, degrading, screaming, threatening, criticizing, berating and humiliating.
  • They will center their victim out in front of family and friends by taking small personality flaws and embellishing them to the extreme.
  • They make snide remarks and use sarcasm to erode the victim’s sense of self-worth and self confidence.
  • Make the victim look bad in front of others is an attempt to isolate the victim and keep them at their mercy.
  • Swear that events never occurred and that certain things were never said
  • Uses emotional blackmail to get what they want by pushing your buttons
  • Plays on his victim’s sense of compassion, fears, sense of guilt and values in order to get his own way
  • He may refuse to talk to his victim or threaten to end the relationship or withdraw financial support if the victim is dependent on him for basic living necessities.
  • An abuser will keep the household and his victim’s emotions in total chaos by starting arguments and constantly being in conflict with other family members.
  • Expect their partner to reject everything in their life to tend to the abuser’s needs.
  • Forcing the victim to perform sexual acts that are against their will
  • Demanding all of the victim’s attention or demanding that the victim spend all free time with the abuser
  • Constantly criticized and berated because they are unable to fulfill the abuser’s demands.
  • Emotional outbursts and extreme mood swings
  • damages the victim’s self esteem, self confidence and mental well-being because they are constantly on edge, wondering how their partner is going to respond to their every move.
  • Living with a person who has unpredictable response is difficult, stressful, nerve wracking and it causes a great deal of anxiety that can lead to health problems.
  • The victim lives with fear and security and has no sense of balance in their life.
  • Abusers have a tendency to feel they are unique individuals and shouldn’t have to live under the same rules as everyone else.
  • Tend to shift responsibility for their actions to their victims and become angry because the person caused them to behave inappropriately.
  • The abuser might say, “If you hadn’t talked back to me, I wouldn’t have had to hit you.”
  • Seldom take responsibility for their actions, but try to justify their behavior by making excuses.
  • They may blame the abuse on a difficult childhood or a hard day at the office.
  • Their mind-set tells them that they are never to blame for any negative behavior.
  • Abusers believe that they would be famous and rich if the victim and other people weren’t holding them back.
  • he believes his failure in life is due to others, he feels he is justified in retaliating in any way he can, including physical and emotional abuse.
  • He belittles, berates and puts others down, including the victim, to make himself feel more powerful.
  • Combine manipulative tactics, such as upsetting people to watch their reaction,
  • Lying and provoking arguments and fights among family members and his peers.
  • He charms his victims and other people who he wishes to manipulate by professing that he cares and is interested in their well-being, when all he is doing is opening the door for a deeper level of abuse.
  • It’s always someone else’s fault when they act inappropriately.
  • They replace closeness with drama in order to make their life more exciting.
  • They love watching others argue and fight and often do things to keep those around them in a state of constant chaos and upheaval.
  • Minimize their actions and refuse to accept their mistakes
  • Extremely possessive and believe that they should get everything they want
  • Seldom capable of a relationship that includes real intimacy
  • Think of themselves as independent, self-sufficient, superior and strong. If someone criticizes them or says something that causes them to feel insulted, the feeling will cause them to react violently toward their victim.
  • Abusers think and speak vaguely to avoid their responsibilities

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