Father’s Day Weekend 2019

Holidays with a Narcissist/Sociopath

Friday 06/14/19

I am absolutely heartbroken. I had something very special hand made for you and you tell me you don’t want it. “Give it someone else.” My heart is in a million pieces right now. I can’t believe it. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop hurting. I want to die. I thought it would be special to you because it has your Mom’s name on it. Something in memory of her. Because you have been so heartbroken over her. You miss her so much. I think about you all the time. I think of things that would be special to you. I try so hard to make you happy. You only want me when no one else is around. When you are bored and lonely. When no one else is available. You did this to every woman you’ve ever had. You are very unhappy. You are very angry with yourself. You hate yourself. Therefore, you will never be able to love anyone else. You treat the people who love you, the worse. I finally figured out why. You prefer people who don’t know the real ‘you’. You are ashamed of the person you are. You can pretend to be something you’re not. Even though people who know the real ‘you’, are the ones who love you. I tried to do something special for you…you don’t want that. You prefer people who are nice to your face and talk bad about you the second you walk out of the room. You can have them. I’m not competing anymore. My life is more valuable than a competition. I’m the one losing. I deserve better. I turn down a man everyday. Men who beg me to be theirs and they would treat me right and take care of me. Instead, I gave you my whole heart and soul. I failed. I lost. You win. Except, when I’m finally gone, I win! I win because you will never be happy but I will. I wish you all the best in life. Sincerely, Your Heart.

Fallen Angel

Saturday 06/15/19

I woke up this morning, woke you up, and ask you if you needed anything from the store. I asked you if you wanted to go to the store with me. You said no because you had to get up and help your dad do some work outside. Out of the kindness of my heart, I drive to the store and get you breakfast and coffee to make your day a little better, only to return to you being gone. I asked your dad where you went. I found you in another town, at a store and gave you your breakfast and coffee. No thank you, nothing. I drove back home and sat outside until you returned. I wanted to help you. Even though, the night before you told me you didn’t want me anywhere around you while you were working with him, I knew if I didn’t help, I would pay for it later. I’m still emotional because I was so happy to give you the best Father’s Day gift you could ever receive. Something sentimental. You told me last night you didn’t want it. You don’t even know what it is yet you don’t want it because you are angry, selfish, and unappreciative, and somehow, somewhere, you didn’t get what you wanted yesterday. Maybe I done something to make you angry, maybe it was someone else. I’ll never know. Now, I’m even more sad because I tried to make you happy by bringing you breakfast and coffee and you didn’t care about that either. I try. Everyday, I try. I can’t keep trying anymore. I can’t keep letting you destroy me. I deserve better. And, you don’t deserve me.

Fallen Angel

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